GET OUT MY FACE
the monthly moodboard: february
February is for hitting snooze. It’s for being disagreeable, for throwing a tantrum, for saying “no thanks!” and then running away. It’s for “are you serious?” and “what the hell?” and “please say sike”. It’s for being stubborn, obstinate, rude, and unyielding. It’s for walking into every room like you own it, like everyone in it is already in love with you, like you’ve already got everybody’s number. It is for sending every call to voicemail, for leaving every text on read, for doing you and only you. It’s for copping an attitude, for having a problem, for being petty and unfriendly, unapproachable and unbothered.
February is a nasty, mean spirited, “why are you even here?” pink. And it’s not her fucking problem.
January was (pardon my french here) so fucking looooooooong. Endless. Day after day I kept thinking, surely it’s February, surely it’s March. And everyday the cold truth washed over me anew. No, it’s still January, only the first month of the year, an inhale that will remain suspended until, I don’t know, Memorial Day?
As gung ho as I am about new beginnings, the year never really feels like anything special until April, the month they named after me, kicks in. The first three months of the year have lately been a particularly stressful time for me. My lease usually ends sometime in February which for the last two years has meant I’ve had to pack up all my shit and pay eye-watering amounts of money for a laborious move. I’m doing the same again in a few weeks only this time I will be (gulp, gasp) moving back into my parents house. The benefits do make this necessary and also worth it but it’s difficult for it not to feel like a regression. I haven’t lived full time in my parent’s house since I left for college when I was 18 and there’s a good reason that despite financial woes and a literal pandemic, I never quite found my way back.
Anyway, I’m in a nasty mood. A fight somebody mood. A don’t fucking play with me right now mood. I’ve been trying to pull back from being too online because I have the sense it’s making me more unpleasant, more aggressive and disagreeable. Even worse, it’s deeply unmotivating to be online right now, watching as things get so unbelievably bad and then watching as everyone blatantly lies about what is happening right before my eyes. No intentions this month. No moodboard. Sorry friends. I am just not feeling it.
This playlist is on repeat this month. I’m over everything.
xx,
april